


Known Unsaid

by 4salchow4always



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M, One-sided pining, POV Yuzuru Hanyu, Stream of Consciousness, inspired by the latest Ice Jewel quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 11:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4salchow4always/pseuds/4salchow4always
Summary: Publisher of Ice Jewels sent Yuzuru drafts of his latest interview for approval. One line stood out.





	Known Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> RPF disclaimer applies. Unbeta-ed.
> 
> Inspired from the English translation of Ice Jewels quotes which killed the writer at ungodly hours in the morning. https://twitter.com/newsmahprecious/status/1129093426752958476?s=12  
> The writer has not read the original yet so she cannot be 100% certain of the accuracy.

_“That’s why I do read his interviews.”_

In retrospect, it was not exactly a slip of tongue or part of Yuzuru’s usual carefully constructed answers around the press. It felt it did expose a bit more than intended, now the single line looking too glaring among other words he said in the interview, even when paraphrased in the current draft file.

The statement just came out naturally. Like a sigh, among all the little things he wanted to talk about the same person who had had a monumental weight in his life.

Someone so important but yet he had to get used to not having around. There was now no reason to be in touch with text or email. There were no more competitions to send well-wishes or congratulations. They would no longer share any practice sessions back at TCC, so it meant no more mundane “see you on ice today?” or “Have a great week and see you on Monday” exchanges. On the other hand, email had been too formal. Irrational disappointment still lingered when the last email, an invitation to be exact, got turned down for good reasons. It should have been well made up with the live video filming at ungodly hours. They never talked about that except the simple thank-yous. 

Honestly though, even if they talked to one another regularly online, what could they talk about?

Yuzuru shook his head before his mind could wander in a dangerous direction. He returned to seriously reading the whole interview draft in the hope of getting it done as soon as possible.

Such a short sentence still stood out.

With lack of following elaboration, could not give away much, right? Maybe, were those bits of him freely stating how utterly happy he could be when skating with Javier more telling? Were his fans not used to such declarations?

Hopefully, the sentence only held those few self-explanatory words, which means that no one could guess that Yuzuru had actively kept tabs on Javier since he knew his pullout from GPF was official. Chit-chatting was not their usual way and that did not change for the period. Still, another annoying injury break before Javier's impeding retirement was what it took for Yuzuru to give in to the indulgence of holding onto something extra and unnecessary.

The said indulgence was in the form of gathering latest news on his then-rinkmate.

Yuzuru really really missed him. Even after Javier was back for training for Euros, the thought, pushed on the back of Yuzuru's mind still haunted his happiness during the brief times they could share the ice again. Yuzuru could not help but try his best to keep up and make make their shared ice times possible. Then, news gathering continued after Javier left for Euros and for good. It was for feeling a fading presence; accuracy be damned. He would berate himself later for being this pathetic as to need some presence of this important person in the form of reported words around, when he couldn’t really do anything more. He lost the fight long time ago.

Rereading the draft paragraph of the interview for a final time, Yuzuru focused at clinically analyzed the meanings and looking for context in-between lines, finally concluding with satisfaction that such minor exposure could not hint something else, even things like having searched past interviews, saving them and reading them with google translate. Unfortunately, he did need to hold onto something about someone who left, whether it was good or bad, soothing or irritating, to ground himself. It was good way to persuade himself too that memories would not fade. Then his burdened heart would quiet down and he could focus to show his best efforts in front of his home crowd.

It was unhealthy, but it helped, like the painkillers.

It got overwhelming after Worlds- the experience of reading, rewinding and replaying. Seeing Javi briefly in Saitama made him more unsettled, as he witnessed how moved-on his _ex-rinkmate_ was. Like a reflex he could not control, it simply made him cling onto those written accounts more. Things dwell more on his mind for more time and that was probably why he unintendedly let a hint out in an interview.

Thankfully, Yuzuru could be certain that such comments would not be read. The _Javi_ he knew well never read a Japanese magazine focussing at the _Hanyu Yuzuru_. It was part of the _entorno_ that was offputting. This fact had been accepted and sensed, before reading in print. Furthermore, with all the current busy plans like Flamenco on Ice, which Yuzuru heard hinted lately at TCC apart from all the SNS posts, such possibility moved from zero to negative. To think back, they never needed to talk about public comments they made about one another. They experienced some adjustments in the past which made them no longer did so. Or else Yuzuru would hold himself back more on commenting, because he knew well he was on thin ice from too much from reading those interviews and talking in his own.

It was always the known unsaid between them defining what they were. Yuzuru could always count on the unchangeability of this fact. With a spark of confidence and last glance at the offending line, he quickly emailed the publishers to formally approve the drafts. He still had lots of preparation so as to make FaOI possible.

He could not wait to meet him again, in the flesh but not in printed, indirect words. 

**Author's Note:**

> Writing fictional Yuzuvier is how this shitty writer copes with the intense feeling of missing them both irl. Hoping to be slain by FaOI interaction right before her eyes in Sendai. Any kudos or comments will delight this pathetic soul m(><)m  
> Ps. Can this be a continuation of her last POV Javi fic? You tell her.


End file.
